Court’s boring as fuck. I grew up in a small country town where our main source of pleasure derived from petty vandalism (schools; bowling clubs; KFC) and underage drinking – we moved in and out of those doors with such pace it put the Catholic Church to shame.
Luckily for those involved in DMX’s (Earl Simmons’) court case in Manhattan, things stand to get a little more interesting, with the rapper’s lawyers arguing that the judge needs to hear some of DMX’s tracks to “genuinely understand his voice”.
Judge: How do you plead?
DMX lawyers: *Plays Party Up In Here*
— _proteinmora (@dm_justsaiyan) March 27, 2018
DMX was recently pinged for tax evasion ($1.6 million over six years), and has been incarcerated since his bail was revoked in January. Prosecutors are pushing for a five-year sentence in order to “send a message . . . that star power does not entitle someone to a free pass”.
Tracks proposed include Slippin’ and The Convo, but we’re voting for X is Coming: “Plucked you like a chicken wit’ your head cut off / They’ll find you wit’ your back open and your legs cut off“.
Show that judge some bucolic sentiment.
You know what else DMX’s lawyer should request? A$AP Rocky’s latest track.